Michael Jackson Is Alive or Is He

Before & After

Just days after Michael Jackson died, rumors are flooding the Internet that he faked his own death. No way, I don’t believe it; but it seems that Michael Jackson is still alive and hiding with Elvis in North Dakota. This rumor sent millions of fans visiting websites to look at insane conspiracy theories that the singer is still alive. I think that Jim Morrison, Elvis and Michael are hiding at Jimmy Hendricks’s house but that’s just me. Just a side note for you Rock Star wannabees, don’t take sedatives with opiates. Kills you every time.

This is a strange thought… Of the three; Michael, Jim, and Elvis; Michael is the only one who was willing to do anything to stay in the spotlight.  For example, buying the elephant mans bones, having a chimp as a pet, wearing a surgical mask.  So, is it possible he’s still alive? YES. Is it probable? Well, about as probable as me having penis reduction surgery…

Another rumor says the singer has been planning this for sometime and is now in hiding in eastern Europe as a vampire. “There is a whole shitload of proof!“, reports a Bi-polar housewife in Queens, NY.

Another site has released a photo it claims is of Jackson, insisting that the man who died on Thursday was the singer’s body double with a terminal aversion to surgery, whose family now, will be eliminated.  Another source said, “ the pictures are actually a Thai transvestite named Puffy-Butt living in Los Angeles. I for one don’t believe this, no one is named “Puffy-Butt.”

If  Michael is still alive, and keeping up with his recent resurgence in popularity he may decide to Kill himself to maintain it, wouldn’t that be a true tragedy.

“Soon, Michael’s new music will be out. Under a different name… Puffy-Butt, perhaps… and “with a drastically altered face” claims a salesman in Juneau…(what’s new about that ?…) and with the introduction of Testosterone therapy he’ll sing as a true tenor instead of  his usual soprano. Remember, these are just rumors and, this in no way endorses the use of steroids, (like my last article), or drugs.  You’ll be sent for prison for it.  Drugs are Bad!

Now a word from our sponsor…

Wear the gear that the Navy Seals wear why settle for less.

Methadone Gum! Mmmmm you can have your life back, kick the smack monkey in the sack  Methadone GUM…

Celebrexia ,when pain relief is more important then your heart.

Vicodin,  is your heroin dealer in jail, ask your doctor if Vicodin is right for you.

North Dakota Conan Rancheros, bring your money

Slump Burgers! For when your feelin’ crump.

Brought to you from Schwacker Crackers and After-Life Cereal in pure Angle Food flakes!